THE FACT I never had children of my own is one of the great sadnesses in my life.
Then again, the way things are going these days, maybe I should consider myself fortunate.
It seems to me an increasing number of mothers and fathers are being driven to distraction by defiant offspring. Worse, some parents are actually living in fear of their own flesh and blood, and there’s little they can do about it.
In the eyes of the law, youngsters now have all the rights and parents all the responsibilities.
Take the Annapolis Valley woman I met not long ago. She’s a single mother with a rebellious 14-year-old daughter.
Unwilling to abide by her mother’s house rules and prepared to resist them violently, the child left home a year ago and went to live with another family, one with a much more laid-back philosophy.
Since then, says the distraught woman, her daughter has been doing as she pleases under the other roof.
"It was brainwashing," the mother observed sadly. "I can’t blame it all on my daughter."
But now has come the final sword thrust: her child is pregnant by a man who’s almost 10 years her senior.
Adding to the shock, her mother only found out through the principal at her daughter’s school.
Has the mother spoken with social services, the police, politicians? Someone? Anyone?
She nodded miserably. She said she went to see social services workers the day after her daughter fled last year.
"They said as long as she has a roof over her head and she’s fed, she’s OK."
Ever since, the mother has been running into a bureaucratic brick wall because her child is not officially considered at risk.
Even the teen’s intimate relations with an older man haven’t been grounds for police intervention. The age of consent in Canada had been 14 since 1890 and was only raised to 16 in February.
Essentially, the odds today are stacked against parents when they’re in conflict with their children.
To be fair, parents whose kids have fled do have a legal recourse. If the child is younger than 16, parents can apply to the courts to have the child returned. But by the same token, if the court agrees to hear the case, the child has every right to attend and express an opinion, which the judge is obliged to take into consideration.
Frankly, I have great sympathy for people like the mother from the Annapolis Valley because, when it comes down to it, their legal rights to actually be parents are few and far between — unlike their responsibilities.
Under the Criminal Code, for example, it’s spelled out that mothers and fathers are required to care for their children.
Children, on the other hand, have more rights than you can shake a stick at, including their own UN declaration, no less!
Nova Scotia’s Family and Children’s Services Act states unequivocally that parents and guardians have responsibility for the care and supervision of their offspring who, in turn, are entitled to protection from abuse and neglect.
Further, the act says all children have basic rights and fundamental freedoms at least the equal of those of adults, plus a right to special safeguards and assistance in preserving those rights and freedoms.
Children, it adds, must be told of their rights and freedoms and are entitled to be part of any process that leads to decisions affecting them. They’re also entitled to speak their mind at hearings.
These days, what’s a well-meaning mother or father to do?
"When it comes to troubled teens, parents have to have rights!" the mother from the Annapolis Valley exclaimed.
I told her I agreed and suggested we co-operate on a proposed list of rights. Here’s a sampling of what we came up with:
•A parent shall have the right to insist a child stay in school until at least 16.
•A parent shall be able to request any information pertaining to the child until he or she turns 18. This information would include health, school issues and all social services information.
•A parent who is the primary caregiver, and where there is no evidence of abuse, shall have the right to decide where the child will live until the age of 16. If the child has behavioural problems, then that child shall not be allowed to make this decision until they are 18.
•A parent shall have the right to lay charges against their child’s sexual partner until the age of 18, no matter whether the sex was consensual.
•A parent should be allowed to discipline a child, up to and including withholding privileges for a short period of time, for example: not allowing attendance at school dances or after-school outings; use of the telephone and computer, et cetera.
For the mother I spoke to, drawing up this list was a welcome diversion to the ongoing stress of trying to re-establish some authority over her daughter’s life.
Quite honestly, she doesn’t know what else to try, or even if she should keep trying.
"I’m so scared (for) our relationship," she confessed.
Postscript: My advocacy for parental rights notwithstanding, if you suspect child abuse or neglect, call your local child welfare agency, Nova Scotia Community Services, during office hours. After hours, weekends or holidays, call 
1-866-922-2434
.
